Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Worst Kiss Ever

So I was watching some lame movie on TV and there was this kiss that really disturbed me. I'm all for a little passion, but this guy was devouring this woman. I think it was supposed to be sexy, but it was just gross. It was then that I remembered something that must have laid dormant in my mind for years.

New Years Eve - 1999. The party of the millennial. My friend Lisa and I decided to hit Seattle with some friends. What better place to celebrate the turn of the century than the Space Needle? Unfortunately, the "authorities" thought that terrorists may have the same idea, so the Space Needle and area around it was cleared. Never heard of the 2000 Seattle Terrorist attack? Neither did anyone else.

There were parties all around Seattle neighborhoods, people still wanting to see the fireworks. We found ourselves at one of these functions. All of my friends were there as couples. The guy I was dating was spending New Years with his family on the East Coast. I was resigned to be a 5th wheel.

As the countdown started we all counted and watched the Space Needle in anticipation. I was just about to yell "Happy New Years!" when I was attacked. Okay not literally, but it felt that way. This guy that I had been having a pleasant conversation with wrapped his arms around mine and started to kiss me. At least, I think he was trying to kiss me; I can't be sure. I think he may have been trying to eat me. His month was no where near my lips, they completely surrounded my mouth. I was trying to yell, but it would seem he was also sucking in my life force. I couldn't push away as my arms were pinned and he was quite a bit taller than me. Then, he started to use his teeth! A little tug on the bottom lip would have been one thing, but he was chewing my entire mouth! I started to feel my tears well up in a combination of anger and pain when he pulled away. Then he looked at me and gave me the sweetest smile.

"I'm Blake by the way".

I was shocked. He was nice. This guy wasn't trying to hurt me. This was the way he kissed!

"Happy New Year Blake. I think you disconnected my jaw."

He laughed out loud at that, and then gave me another smile. I knew that smile. He thought I must be impressed.

Luckily, I had the excuse of having a boyfriend when he asked if I wanted to "get out of there".

Tell me- Do people really kiss like this? On a regular basis? I'm not talking passionately, I am talking violently. Anyone else meet up with a scary vampire in disguise? Is this the most random blog ever?

P.S. Happy Ending. - Shane is a FANTASTIC kisser.


Randi said...

great post. this was awesome. i laughed out loud. thanks for the pr btw. i really appreciate it. hope you come back soon. :)

xcdenke said...

LOL!!! I can't really remember the bad ones, thank goodness. However, from time to time X tries to kiss me when I'm full on laughing and then he complains that he gets nothing but teeth and gums, DUH, I'm laughing. It's actually pretty funny, esp. since he's the one who's always making me laugh. Thank goodness we normally have great timing.

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