As a teenager and through college, I thought most of my friends were a bunch of whiners when it came to PMS. I understood the disgusting tragedy of the actual period. Don't tell me it's a beautiful thing. It's not. Once, the boy I had a huge crush on informed me of a "leak". Tell me that isn't the most horrendous tragedy of a 14 year old's existence. I was wearing pink umbros at the time. Oh the horror. And cramps? I would spend days doubled up. I still shutter when I think about it. But PMS? I never got it. Never felt any cravings, mood swings, exhaustion...none of it. I thought I must just be lucky that way.
After marriage I discovered something wonderful....birth control pills. Oh, these new best friends not only keep me from overly stressing about having a honeymoon baby, but they made my periods go from 6 horrible days to one barely noticeable 24 hour event. And PMS? Still just some mysterious phenomenon.
Shane and I started trying to have a baby after we had been married for a couple years, but after 12 month of no success, I started taking fertility pills. I wasn't prepared for the effect they would have on my emotions. I've always thought I was a pretty emotionally stable girl, but suddenly I was crying. All the time. We had just moved to Chattanooga and I had had to quit my (loved) job at an art gallery. Here I was, unemployed in the blistering heat, reading the classifieds while watching "A Baby Story" marathons. It was a strange time. Thankfully it only lasted a few month and the effects wore off. A year later I finally got pregnant and felt great. I looked back at that time and thought I must have been experiencing something like PMS.
So moving on to present day. I now have two darling children. Collin just stopped nursing. I was taking birth control pills with low estrogen so they wouldn't effect my milk supply, but they aren't very effective once you stop nursing. My doctor prescribed a new birth control pill and I thought nothing of it. Well let me tell you, that is ALL I have been thinking about this week. If you are a facebook fan you know why. I am having the most heinous PMS imaginable. Seriously, they could write me up in a textbook. I'm sorry to my friends who I though were making this all up. This is nuts. I feel like I should be cast in an annuale commercial.
This past week has been awful. I wake up and I want a smoothie. But not my normal banana, strawberries and soy milk smoothie. No, what I am really craving is one made with brownies, diet coke, Tylenol and valium. I just want a funnel and to get that concoction in my system as fast as humanly possible. Luckily, I've refrained and stuck with my normal smoothies for breakfast, with brownies and diet coke for lunch and dinner.
Shane was out of town for a bit, and I was a little bugged at him about something. Something relatively minor, but as we discussed it, I could feel my rage starting to expand until it became it's own entity. I don't know if I can remember half the things I was yelling about, but I couldn't stop the torrent of grievances pouring from my mouth. After 20 minutes Shane calmly asked "Are you done?" and then I started to cry. A lot. We have a "no yell" policy that I had just totally violated and I felt miserable. But not regular miserable. Pit of despair miserable. My moods were shifting so fast, it was making me dizzy.
The next day I was a little stressed. I was late to a birthday party and I couldn't find Lydia's car seat. Stressed might not be the right word. Hum, how should I say this? I was psycho-crazed. I started to scream. Not at anyone in particular, I just started screaming. And I couldn't stop. In my mind I was saying, "whoa Natalie! Get a grip!", but I just keep screaming. In front of my kids. In front of some friends who were watching Collin for me. Wow. I've been a mom for over 4 years I've never yelled in front of my kids. I saw Collin start to cry and that snapped me out of it. Literally snapped. Suddenly I felt fine. Well, not fine. More like I wanted some more brownies and to go sleep for a week.
So friends, this is my personal apology letter. I'm sorry to my girlfriends who I thought were making PMS into a big deal. I'm sorry to my sweet understanding husband. I'm sorry to anyone who had to be around me for longer than 2 hours. I'm sorry to my kids. I'm sorry to the cashier at wal-mart. (He knows why.)
PMS is officially over and I am calling the doctor for a new birth control prescription. If for some reason he advises against changing yet, don't come around me from July 11th- 16th. Especially if you see me holding a baseball bat.