Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Maybe I'm not cut out for this.

Today was....unpleasant. That's a nice way to put it. I'm finding this step in the moving process especially hard as Shane has started his job, yet there is still so much more to do to get us settled. On top of that, the regular daily messes and chores inevitably demand attention, so our house is basically chaos + laundry piles + moving boxes + Kid's Meal wrappers. I used to make fast food a very once in a while treat. Um now, not so much. Try every other day since we started the move. I know. I hang my head in shame. Jamie Oliver would beat me with a french fry.

So, getting back to today. First thing in the morning, Lydia is begging me for a particular dress to wear to tour her new preschool. It's in the dryer, so I head over to pull it out. I wonder how long it's been since the lint trap was cleaned, and I discover (with slight gagging) that it has picked up much more than link in the moving van. Gross. I don't want that lint wad loose in the garbage, so I stuff it in a half empty Sobe bottle that was left out over night, screw on the lid and toss it.

I'm quickly trying to get breakfast ready with Lydia begging to get me to be involved with her pretenting. This is hard as Collin is screaming for his breakfast. He immediately believes he has been starved for a week once I start to prepare any meal, and it makes the cooking process unfortunate at best. Suddenly I am struck by a moment of silence which could only mean one thing. Trouble. I whirl around to see Collin drinking the lint wad filled Sobe!!!! I scream, lunge at him and smack the bottle away from him. I pry his mouth open to pull out any visible globs.

Moments later I am standing in the once clean kitchen that is now covered in discusting lint juice. My baby is screaming at deafening decibels and Lydia is in the background still whining "play with me!". I look at the clock. 7:53am. 10 hours until Shane gets home from work.

It doesn't get much better from there on. After breakfast is finally finished and cleaned up, we head over to the bank to open a new account so Shane can get paid. Lydia quietly colors, but Collin sees only one option. Escape. I soon find myself the woman I swore I would never become, as I sprint around the bank every 2 minutes as Collin dashes into bank managers offices and tripping innocent customers. I, of course, try to hold him on my lap, but the shrill desperate screaming tends to bother the rest of bank staff. No rookie mommy, I have snacks on hand, but the moment I unzip the baggy of cherrios, Collin rips them from my fingers and dumps them unceremoniously over the stack of papers I was just asked to sign. Lydia immediately drops to the floor and starts to eat the discarded cereal, and I try to pull her from her imitation of a hover vacuum as Collin continues to shriek at the loss of his munchies. (He polished off the fruit bars on the way to the bank.)

The bank agent was very sweet. She even slipped me a card with the name of her daytime babysitter whom she highly recommends. Is it wrong I am thinking of putting Collin in daycare twice a month or so, just for a break?

We ate Wendy's hamburgers in the car.

Now I am sitting on the bathroom floor, laptop propped on my knees, ignoring my bathing children who have discovered that they can make a "tooting" noise with the nasal aspirator and are laughing hysterically. I am literally covered with a dozen unknown substances that have made their way onto my clothes with verbs like: smear, spit, throw, wipe, cry...and others I won't name. I know Shane secretly wonders why I only choose the Target t-shirts from my closet during the weekday. However, I have lost too many cute little numbers due to a thrown roasted beet or spit spaghetti sauce, to risk it.

I know I have so much to be grateful for. Truly, my children are usually very well behaved. But right now, all I can think is THIS IS REALLY HARD.


In better news, I have exactly two places in the house just they way I want them.

A Barefoot Contessa cookbook corner in the kitchen. (Did anyone else die laughing when Liz Lemon started talking about the Barefoot Contessa on 30 Rock last week? Awesome!)

Some happy yellow behind the kitchen sink.

Oh. Did you think I meant entire rooms? Ha ha, no. In fact, I am still getting over the paralyzing terror of walking in to our living room the day we moved to find this:

I claim no talent in home decorating. I don't even know where to start. 
I must must must start watching HGTV.

Bath is done. I think we are all going to bed early today.


Unknown said...

When I was young like 4 my mom walk into the kitchen to fing my brother throwing eggs on the floor. Not just a dozen but a whole flat of eggs one after another. Her first thaught was to beat this child and never speak to him again. Instead she took a deep breath and asked him what on earth he was doing. He looked at her with his chubby cheeks to say that he was looking for a hard boiled one. My mom put this story in her journal and looked back on it later and laughed. She later said when ever we were out of control she would stop and think this is going to make a great journal entry. So today may have been crazy but one day you will look back on this post and laugh or wish you could go back to this crazy day and laugh. It is not you, every mother has those days, and if not her day is coming.
I wish I lived close by so I could be in your ward and be your visiting teacher and help you unpack let your kids come over and play with mine so you could have the bliss of being in public with out chasing or yelling at small children the whole time. This to shall pass and if not it will make a great journal entry.

Ashlynn said...

Hi! I'm not sure I've ever commented, but I am a follower :) I just had to chime in and say that you are not wrong for wanting your little boy to spend a little time away from mommy. I've been trying to work that out for myself for a long time now and for one reason or another ,it never seems to work out. Every mom needs some "me time!" I am a firm believer of that. I hope tomorrow is a less stressful day.

Rose and Ivy said...

Natalie- hang in there, you are doing great. Moving cities with two little ones, away from friends and everything familiar. Re-establishing yourself is difficult and stressful on its own but with a baby and a pre-schooler, you are amazing!

Rachel said...

You will get there and one day everything will be in its place and you will just be looking for things to re-do. Enjoy the process and the little ones because once today is done, it's DONE!

Dionna said...

Awww - sounds like an especially rough day. Hang in there. I hate days like that but I promise you'll have good days where you actually think you might have a hang of this thing - until another bad day comes along to humble you quickly.

Moving is a stressful transition - on everyone. Your kids probably feel a little "out of sorts" too. Maybe everyone needs extra hugs tonight and an early bedtime. :)

amydear said...

I got myself a cute shirt from Ann Taylor Loft to make myself feel better about not losing the baby weight as quickly as I'd like. My baby spit up all down the front of it. Then I realized it had some silk embellishment. Yeah, not a good mommy shirt. I should stick to the Target tees for a bit! It will all settle down and get better. For a day or so. : )

Kathleen W. said...

Oh Natalie, my heart is with you. The best thing about being a parent is knowing that things are always changing (for better or for worse). I'm imagining you having a great day today, playing with the kids and smiling.

PS I love your little sunny corners!

Dawn said...

Hi Natalie,
I'm a follower & never commented before but this post touched me. We have all had days where we doubted our abilities to be a good parent. Any mom who says she hasn't is either a liar or valium-ed up to the ears and just doesn't care.You have so much on your plate right now but trust once you have settled in,have your routine down it will get better-easier nope-but better
BTW... saw the 30 rock & laughed so hard I almost spit out my non-linted SoBe!

Anonymous said...

Kids are stressful and there are bad days, let alone how stressful moving is! I'm sorry you had such a bad day! Try to shake it off today though. We all have terrible days (or weeks, or months) where we think we're not doing what is best for our kids - the food, the mess, etc. But ya know what, in the grand scheme of things, this week, this month doesn't matter. How many wonderful weeks have you made healthy meals? See, it doesn't even compare to this transition time where you might be eating out more than you want. Deep breaths.

And no, it's not bad at all to put Collin in daycare a couple times a month, or once a week, or whatever you need. It will do him good to let other people take care of him and for you to get a little re-charge. I think that adding that 2nd child is hard. I know my 2nd is WAY more... uh... spirited than my first. Another option to the daycare is the gym. It's the best thing I ever did for myself - when I'm having a terrible day, I load them up and take them to the gym and let someone else watch them while I go relieve some stress. (Of course I also go at regular intervals in the week.)

Anyway, just wanted to say that we all feel like this sometimes and that it'll be ok. You guys will eventually get your groove back, but try not to worry about it too much in the mean time.

Lover of Books said...

Hey Natalie,
Life is rough. I have two kids and a puppy. I have had those days and probably will again but when I am walking D my youngest to the bus, I will be crying and missing these days.

Hang in there. (hugs)

Joy@WDDCH said...

Natalie, I've been there so many times I've lost count! Doesn't make it pleasant or easy AT ALL!!! But I did want to say it is NOT a bad idea to put your son in a daycare twice a month. You NEED to have you time and he also needs a break from you from time-to-time too. It'll give him some social time and you some woman time (NOT mommy time but woman time!).

Sarah Larsen said...

Oh I can totally relate to Collin's stage. Little E is in the exact same stage, and I can almost put myself in your position, minus the Lydia. I'm so glad you share the tough things too on your blog. It's so nice to know that everyone experiences "real" motherhood. You're a good mama. It radiates through your blog writings. I hope things have gotten better for you!

Jenn said...

That is my entire life lately. I can't seem to get it together with 3 kids now--it has been such an adjustment!!! I usally have baby spit up on me among other nasties and I was late getting Sydnie to her soccer game for the 3rd time in a row--I'm the mom with no make-up, hair slicked back or wearing a hat and a baby and 2 kids in tote and I can't get anywhere on time--I hate being late--anyway--it's nice to know I'm not the only one because sometimes I feel like I am!

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