I keep whispering to Collin to slow down. Stop growing so fast. Stay little. At night, I bring him into bed to nurse and keep him with me long after he has fallen asleep. I brush my lips against his soft cheeks and nuzzle into his neck, breathing in his baby scent. I desperately try to cement the feeling into my memory.
Motherhood is strange sometimes. Even as I hold my baby, I mourn the loss of this time. No matter how many photos I take, or journal entries I write, I can never experience these moments again. My heart breaks knowing my son will only be a baby for a fraction of my time with him. God seems to know what He is doing. He send us these helpless creatures who completely ensnare us with their delicious sweetness. We will give up our every comfort for theirs. Once the love for a child is set, there is no breaking it and our hearts are left completely vulnerable. Heartache is guaranteed and yet we willing embrace it.
As I write, my baby is sleeping soundly beside me. I pray that someday when he holds his own child, he will have a small understanding of the love I feel for him now. That way, this moment never really has to end.
See my family blog for more photos and videos of Collin.