Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Indulge me while I go just a bit crazy.

I already feel guilty. Just that I am going to write this post makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty because I am blogging during the precious hour of free time I have between Lydia going to sleep and my bedtime. I should be addressing the laundry that is currently so backed up, I am storing it in the jacuzzi bathtub. I feel guilty because I really don't have a reason to vent. I have been very blessed. Shane has a good job, we live in a nice house, we are all healthy. It is Christmastime. I should be happy. I am happy. However, I am also on the verge of pulling my hair out.

A funny thing about exhaustion is that you never get used to it. Each day is just as agonizing as the last. Collin is still waking up 3 times at night. He seems to be having night terrors. And he gets up for the day at 5. 5 AM! Even if I get to bed at 9, my longest stretch of sleep is two hours or so. What's worse are his naps. Usually it's three 30 minute naps. I can't get ANYTHING done!!! (I'm not joking when I say he has woken up three times since I started writing this post.)

Before I continue I know right now what you are thinking. If she is so tired and can't get anything done, how can she blog. Well, I'll tell you. First of all, I never blog until after the kids are sleeping. There isn't time. For me Friday night is "detox" night. Shane and I quickly clean up the house right after the kids are down for the night. Then he puts in a DVD and I sit at the kitchen table and blog for a few hours. It is the one part of my week that is just mine. I can stay up late because Shane takes the kids Saturday mornings while I sleep in. That Friday night I can usually get two weeks of blogs written and I postdate them. Of course, nights like tonight, I just blog instead of doing the dishes. That works too..... But I digress.

I have been seriously sleep deprived for 6 months now. Sometimes I feel like I am on the verge of losing it. Shane's hellish work schedule doesn't help matters. I can't keep up with the housework, the cooking, my church responsibilities, the individual time Lydia craves. I am constantly covered in snot, spit up, breast-milk, baby oatmeal, and occasionally poop. It is all I can do some days to just get out of my pajamas into real clothes. I look around at the disaster that is my house and I want to cry. Sometimes I do. I could stay up late to clean, but by the time the kids are finally asleep I have been on my feet for 15 hours.

Judge me if you will, but I understand why some stay at home moms hire help. "Oh, if only we were rich instead of beautiful" (as quoted from my mother-in-law). I would hire a house cleaner so fast it would make your head spin. The burden that would lift if I didn't have to try to stay on top of the messes. I would also pick myself up a part time nanny. Just half a day twice a week or so. A substitute for no grandmas or sisters being in town. I could run errands, take a shower that included washing my hair and shaving my legs. Maybe I could actually get to the gym or have a lunch with friends. I would also have the nanny come over Saturday nights and Shane and I could have a date. Such a lovely place to visit, my fantasy world.

So I admit it. I am close to losing it. It is 9:38 pm and I would love to go to bed but Collin is still awake. He must be getting sick. Shane is working. My house looks like it was recently burglarized. The bags under my eyes are more like luggage.

I guess I should look at the bright side. I have my blog posts ready to go for the next few days. The Christmas tree is up and it's speculator. There is some eggnog in the fridge. I had a few minutes tonight to vent to you. And to update my blog layout. I think it turned out quite lovely if I do say so myself.

Anyone else feel like they are failing so miserably they should be fired from motherhood?


28 PEOPLE HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY:


amylouwho said...
I think we all feel that way at times. I know I do. My house is falling apart around me as I stay up to late reading blogs and wasting time. Because it's QUIET, so nice. Hope your baby starts sleeping better so you can too.
S Club Mama said...
Oh honey. I hear ya. We're going on 4 months of Isaac getting up multiple times during the night (and he gets up at the butt crack of dawn - or before, too). I am so ashamed to admit that I've yelled at him and squeezed him super tight. I can't go out of his sight or he'll start whining and crying. No joke, the second I leave it's whiny whiny whiny. I don't get out of my pjs. I wear the same shirt a few days in a row unless it gets gross. My husband has been gone the week before thanksgiving and this week. It's been awful. I wish I could hug you right now because I know exactly how you feel. ((hug)) Here's a big cyber hug for you. :) Here's hoping both babies sleep all the way through. :)
Amy F. said...
In my experience, feeling crazy is a normal part of motherhood. It's a 24/7 sacrifice that's mostly exhaustion peppered with sprinklings of joy thrown in there just to keep you going. :) What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, more compassionate and gives you depth of character. Luckily these moments pass, but when you're in them it doesn't seem like it. Hang in there. You are amazing for what all you do accomplish with two little ones!!
lesleyannaustin said...
I am with you on everything. I am blessed beyond belief, but feel I am so behind with life...and to top it all... yesterday some young girl at the doctor's office thought I was my son's grandmother!!! I have 3 older boys almost 14,12, and 8 that are all in school, so having our little surprise last year has turned our lives upside down.I am really trying to enjoy everyday with him as time goes so quickly and you can never get the moments back...dust always returns! I read your blog and others most days for enlightment, and so often think you have it all together and I know my friends think the same of me. I co-ordinated a mothers group at OBC for the many years but couldn't this year as I needed a break but it was so good to be with moms twice a month to vent and share similar experiences...you would have loved it, and it had free childcare! Maybe next year I will get it up and running again.Got to get to bed,I have a friend watching the baby tomorrow so I can get a haircut , manicure and run some errands...I am so excited. The baby is awake, really got to go. Please remember I would like to donate a piece of my art in the New Year.
Carrie said...
Oh, gosh, I feel like that every day. My daughter is up so many times during the night that we've started taking shifts. That hour after the kids go to bed and before you hit the pillow is so precious... I'm always exhausted and KNOW I need to clean but the couch feels so good! You're not alone. Hopefully things get better soon. Maybe think about hiring someone to watch the kids for a few hours a week (or every other week) so you can run errands or even have a little more "me time". I just did this... she starts next week, so I'll let you know how it goes!
Shannon said...
I should be fired. That is why I am here reading your blog and was so surprised to read your all too familiar post. Just earlier this evening my hubby was listening to me vent and I feel just like you. My baby sleeps great, but you wouldn't know it by the messes everywhere! How do the piles and laundry keep multiplying? Just remember "Work is love made visible." And the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship. Those sometimes help me...if I really think about them.
Michelle M. said...
Being a mom is so hard. My 5-month-old likes to be held almost all day long. It's so hard to get anything done! When my husband gets home, I go crazy cleaning bathrooms, cleaning floors, doing dishes (actually I save those for him most of the time (: ). But the point is, it is hard to be a mom. Luckily it's rewarding, or we'd all be totally crazy!!!
Anonymous said...
I have a two month old and I feel the same way. Although I would give anything to be a stay at home mom! I am on maternity leave but go back to work on January 4th. I am already depressed and dreading it. I have no idea how I will get it all done and thinking about being apart from my daughter all day is just awful. My husband and I are both teachers so there is no way we can afford for me to stay home. Oh well, such is life. Hope things start looking up for you. Sarah
Hannah said...
Oh Natalie - I am so sorry. Sending you a big hug from a mom in Kansas who can relate so closely to this post. Being a Mom to small children isn't all sunshine and giggles like we so desperately want it to be (my three daughters are 4, 2, and 1). It can be extremely difficult. I hope you get some rest very soon. Nothing is good when exhaustion sets in. I'm so glad you have this outlet, and you should never feel guilty for taking the time to blog. I enjoy your posts and it is extremely helpful to know we're all in the same boat. The best thing we can do as fellow Moms is to just be supportive. I'm so glad you shared, and I wish you a break and a full night of sleep very soon. P.S. Your new header picture is beautiful! I love it!
The Conductor said...
Oh, Natalie -- can you see how many people's lives you have blessed by venting through this blog post? I will add my name to the list. For some reason we find comfort in knowing that others are enduring the very trials we too are facing! You seriously sound like me, only a little perkier about it all. I have said the word "crap" so many times in the last 3 days as I look around at all the crap in my messy house...and that's a "bad" word to my kids! I don't let them say it, and yet I feel like a failure of a mother when I can't teach them to pick up (or get rid of?!) their crap that's lying all around the place. I can't promise you a life free of exhaustion down the road, but you will likely at least get better at managing it, if that makes you feel any better. I love your list of blessings! I needed a reminder to count my blessings today! And this has been the most rambling comment I've ever left for anyone! And btw, I just voted for you over at divinecaroline.com. Good luck with that, and with LIFE in general. I'm sure you are an amazing wife and mother -- just hang in there.
dougandcheryl said...
I agree that we all feel that way sometimes. My mom is leaving tomorrow after being here for three weeks after the birth of our second daughter and I am worried about how I'll take care of both of them, cook, and clean on my own again. My daughter who will be four next week has become hyper and naughty and just a little crazy since the birth and although she is so sweet with her little sister I keep just wishing for my little girl that I used to have to come back! I wonder if it will ever get back to normal. I wonder if I'm failing... it's nice to have blogs to vent on... don't feel guilty about it or those fantasies!
Mama J said...
Funny you wrote this post today. I was feeling the EXACT same as I was looking at my disastrous apartment. Only difference is that my baby sleeps a little better. I wish I had some helping advice to throw your way. Just know that it can't last forever.
Kahla said...
OMG, I can relate. The only thing worse is on Monday my maternity leave is over and I'm back to teaching my third graders... I seriously do not know how I'm going to do it. The thought makes me want to cry. We have a four year old and a 7 1/2 week old and I feel like it's been years since I've gotten good sleep. Emery (7 1/2 week old) has RSV right now and nights are 10x worse, I just thought it was bad before. Surely this too shall pass for us both? (or all judging by the comments!) P.S. I think that today I will NOT be getting out of my pajamas.
Kathleen W. said...
Oh, Natalie, this post sounds so much like my life too! Though I only have one child, but many days I feel like this too, especially lately with my toddler having sleep issues as well. I'm not living on sleep fumes like you, but I certainly remember those times. Let me just speak for everyone and say that we appreciate your posts and their honesty, and you are in my thoughts.
kristi lee said...
Well said, once again. Motherhood with many young ones around just seems like trying to keep your head above water...nothing seems like it gets done well. A meeting at church last night made that far too clear for me. I feel as though I'm failing miserably at everything and it CERTAINLY doesn't feel like Christmas at our place since we're surrounded by boxes and the fun holiday stuff is in storage. Kooper's on his 4th major timeout/meltdown in 2 hours and it's only 9:30am. Sorry I'm not much help right now...to self-centered with moving stuff. Call anytime (after the 14th!!!!!!)...you know I'm always here to help. As lame as it is to say, it really does get better...eventually!! How's that for a pick me up???!! Horrible, I know!
Madsen Family said...
Natalie, Though I rarely comment on your blog (b/c I feel slightly like a blog-stalker), I really love it: your honesty, style, views on motherhood. Now let me give you two words of advice that saved my life: sleep training. Your six month old should NOT be getting up that often in the night AND he should be able to take longer naps. Some people are against sleep training, but it saved me. Read this book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and try it out. It is a book dedicated solely to sleep and children's sleep habits, etc. It saved my life and my child is such a good sleeper (and has been since four months, but I had to TRAIN him). Sleep exhaustion killed me with a newborn, so I literally feel your pain. And I echo those who say either hire someone or do a mom-swap. THat's what I do--trade kids for a couple hours every week so at least once a week I can go to the gym in the middle of the day. Good luck. Know that we've ALL been there and are sending happy thoughts your way. Jessy (Spear) Madsen
Green Acres in the City said...
You are not alone. My 6 year old still gets up at least once a night. And Henry, well its hit and miss. When he does wake its a bottle and diaper while patrick sleeps through it. And yes I have an amazing husband who works hard but sometimes I feel I work equally as hard to keep things going here. OK now I am venting, see what you started...Hang in there, know you are loved and we all will get through this!
Molly and Wayne said...
I can't relate in anyway whatsoever, but I know that if anyone can get through those kinds of hard times its you. You are strong, and a great mother. Shane wont work those hours forever, and your kids will grow so fast. As for having family around to help i'mnot sure. But i do know wayne is applying to some schools in tennessee, so if he gets in, we'll be there to help out ALL THE TIME! I love you Nat! Be happy, you are amazing
Luke and Hailie Girl said...
Hang in there! Love the new header!
Joy said...
We've ALL definitely been there! Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
A Baby Peach said...
Oh I feel ya! Too bad I'm in Nashville or we could trade some "me" time! lol I have an almost 4 month old who is up 4-6 times per night and sometimes up for the day at 5:30. He also has just began taking cat naps instead of real naps. :( My husband is working 12 hour days for the next few months with a 45 min. drive to work each day, so my house probably matches yours. Maybe the same burglars! haha
Krull Family said...
Oh girl you are not alone!! My babies were both horrible sleepers, my son waking at least 3 times a night until a year, and my daughter the same until 11 months. In my mind, I wanted to be the super mom (clean house, cooked dinner, dressed in something besides the same drab attire I slept in the night before)... chin up, it is temporary and you will laugh at the extreme exhaustion... someday ;)
amydear said...
This is what a blog is good for, instant sympathy! Every mother has good days and bad, and sometimes there are more good than bad. But then it will get better. You are a wonderful mother, but also a wonderful woman. I admire you!
Heather said...
Too bad you weren't in Michigan. We could become really good friends and watch each other's kids. I'm a firm believer that your own kids are easier to watch if they have playmates who are not their siblings. I always get more done if I have other kids over to play with Holden. I think I might just hire someone else's kids - LOL! Anyway, we are all feeling that way at some point. Have a glass of wine, some chocolate and remember you are not alone! Even if you're too far away for us to become friends irl :)
Brouillettes said...
I understand completely...and stay-at-home moms are expected to do it all, but we can't. You can't. You will have plenty of time to clean the house years from now when the house is empty. You will have time to nap then as well. And no one REALLY cares about the shaving of legs...you are a mom. Priorities. Often, I'd rather take an extra minute and soak in the bath than shave! and it's winter, so you have an excuse. Hang in there. It's not easy, but I believe God gives us graces to make it through. And I'm sure HE doesn't care what our house or legs look like either ;) Think of how many women can't bring themselves to stay-at-home...NO one says it is an easy job. And there is a reason it is so important. I recently joined a book club that gets me out of the house for a few hours a night once a week. No matter what is going on, see if you can wiggle some activity in for yourself to do once a week or every two weeks for you time to get out alone. It makes a huge difference to get out for a bit...re-evaluate. In the end, if WE'RE not okay, the kids aren't either. So take some YOU time...no matter what the cost...OUTside of the house. Separate yourself for a bit. Good luck. I feel your pain. Two grade-schoolers with homework (I feel like I am in school again...), a one-year old, and another on the way. Prayers are with you! PS~ Have you read Dr. Ezzo's book called On Becoming Baby Wise? He now also has a book for Toddlers. I breastfed for 14 months, but (other than nightmares, growth spurts, aching teeth, etc) Gianna has slept through the night since she was about 3 months old because of the book. You might try it if you haven't. It's an excellent book.
Lisa Lew said...
Just try to think "And this to shall pass," because it really does. I so clearly remember those days you are in now. I have a 2nd grader and a preschooler and I feel like I'm in Heaven. I have some time to myself, time to shower, time to think, even time to go to grad school. It does get better. Make peace with your house, make peace with not being able to do it all now... but one day you will.
Ronnie said...
You don't know me, but I stumbled on to your blog a little while ago and this post sounds like it was written by me...except for I'm a first time Mother with a one month baby. I never would have dreamed (or nightmare...d?) that Motherhood could be SO hard! Thank you for helping me feel like I can still be a good person AND think that being a mom is the toughest job in the world that I really just need a break from :)
Stacy said...
I know how you feel! When our girls were babies, my hubby worked overnights, so nighttime duties were all on me. Hopefully, you can get some uninterrupted sleep.





28 comments:

amylouwho said...

I think we all feel that way at times. I know I do. My house is falling apart around me as I stay up to late reading blogs and wasting time. Because it's QUIET, so nice.

Hope your baby starts sleeping better so you can too.

S Club Mama said...

Oh honey. I hear ya. We're going on 4 months of Isaac getting up multiple times during the night (and he gets up at the butt crack of dawn - or before, too). I am so ashamed to admit that I've yelled at him and squeezed him super tight. I can't go out of his sight or he'll start whining and crying. No joke, the second I leave it's whiny whiny whiny. I don't get out of my pjs. I wear the same shirt a few days in a row unless it gets gross.
My husband has been gone the week before thanksgiving and this week. It's been awful.

I wish I could hug you right now because I know exactly how you feel. ((hug)) Here's a big cyber hug for you. :)

Here's hoping both babies sleep all the way through. :)

Amy F. said...

In my experience, feeling crazy is a normal part of motherhood. It's a 24/7 sacrifice that's mostly exhaustion peppered with sprinklings of joy thrown in there just to keep you going. :) What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, more compassionate and gives you depth of character. Luckily these moments pass, but when you're in them it doesn't seem like it. Hang in there. You are amazing for what all you do accomplish with two little ones!!

lesleyannaustin said...

I am with you on everything. I am blessed beyond belief, but feel I am so behind with life...and to top it all... yesterday some young girl at the doctor's office thought I was my son's grandmother!!! I have 3 older boys almost 14,12, and 8 that are all in school, so having our little surprise last year has turned our lives upside down.I am really trying to enjoy everyday with him as time goes so quickly and you can never get the moments back...dust always returns! I read your blog and others most days for enlightment, and so often think you have it all together and I know my friends think the same of me. I co-ordinated a mothers group at OBC for the many years but couldn't this year as I needed a break but it was so good to be with moms twice a month to vent and share similar experiences...you would have loved it, and it had free childcare! Maybe next year I will get it up and running again.Got to get to bed,I have a friend watching the baby tomorrow so I can get a haircut , manicure and run some errands...I am so excited. The baby is awake, really got to go. Please remember I would like to donate a piece of my art in the New Year.

Carrie said...

Oh, gosh, I feel like that every day. My daughter is up so many times during the night that we've started taking shifts.

That hour after the kids go to bed and before you hit the pillow is so precious... I'm always exhausted and KNOW I need to clean but the couch feels so good! You're not alone. Hopefully things get better soon.

Maybe think about hiring someone to watch the kids for a few hours a week (or every other week) so you can run errands or even have a little more "me time". I just did this... she starts next week, so I'll let you know how it goes!

Shannon said...

I should be fired. That is why I am here reading your blog and was so surprised to read your all too familiar post. Just earlier this evening my hubby was listening to me vent and I feel just like you. My baby sleeps great, but you wouldn't know it by the messes everywhere! How do the piles and laundry keep multiplying? Just remember "Work is love made visible." And the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship. Those sometimes help me...if I really think about them.

Michelle M. said...

Being a mom is so hard. My 5-month-old likes to be held almost all day long. It's so hard to get anything done! When my husband gets home, I go crazy cleaning bathrooms, cleaning floors, doing dishes (actually I save those for him most of the time (: ). But the point is, it is hard to be a mom. Luckily it's rewarding, or we'd all be totally crazy!!!

Anonymous said...

I have a two month old and I feel the same way. Although I would give anything to be a stay at home mom! I am on maternity leave but go back to work on January 4th. I am already depressed and dreading it. I have no idea how I will get it all done and thinking about being apart from my daughter all day is just awful. My husband and I are both teachers so there is no way we can afford for me to stay home. Oh well, such is life. Hope things start looking up for you.
Sarah

Hannah said...

Oh Natalie - I am so sorry. Sending you a big hug from a mom in Kansas who can relate so closely to this post. Being a Mom to small children isn't all sunshine and giggles like we so desperately want it to be (my three daughters are 4, 2, and 1). It can be extremely difficult. I hope you get some rest very soon. Nothing is good when exhaustion sets in.

I'm so glad you have this outlet, and you should never feel guilty for taking the time to blog. I enjoy your posts and it is extremely helpful to know we're all in the same boat. The best thing we can do as fellow Moms is to just be supportive. I'm so glad you shared, and I wish you a break and a full night of sleep very soon.

P.S. Your new header picture is beautiful! I love it!

The Conductor said...

Oh, Natalie -- can you see how many people's lives you have blessed by venting through this blog post? I will add my name to the list. For some reason we find comfort in knowing that others are enduring the very trials we too are facing! You seriously sound like me, only a little perkier about it all. I have said the word "crap" so many times in the last 3 days as I look around at all the crap in my messy house...and that's a "bad" word to my kids! I don't let them say it, and yet I feel like a failure of a mother when I can't teach them to pick up (or get rid of?!) their crap that's lying all around the place. I can't promise you a life free of exhaustion down the road, but you will likely at least get better at managing it, if that makes you feel any better. I love your list of blessings! I needed a reminder to count my blessings today! And this has been the most rambling comment I've ever left for anyone! And btw, I just voted for you over at divinecaroline.com. Good luck with that, and with LIFE in general. I'm sure you are an amazing wife and mother -- just hang in there.

dougandcheryl said...

I agree that we all feel that way sometimes. My mom is leaving tomorrow after being here for three weeks after the birth of our second daughter and I am worried about how I'll take care of both of them, cook, and clean on my own again.
My daughter who will be four next week has become hyper and naughty and just a little crazy since the birth and although she is so sweet with her little sister I keep just wishing for my little girl that I used to have to come back! I wonder if it will ever get back to normal.
I wonder if I'm failing...
it's nice to have blogs to vent on... don't feel guilty about it or those fantasies!

Mama J said...

Funny you wrote this post today. I was feeling the EXACT same as I was looking at my disastrous apartment. Only difference is that my baby sleeps a little better. I wish I had some helping advice to throw your way. Just know that it can't last forever.

Kahla said...

OMG, I can relate. The only thing worse is on Monday my maternity leave is over and I'm back to teaching my third graders... I seriously do not know how I'm going to do it. The thought makes me want to cry. We have a four year old and a 7 1/2 week old and I feel like it's been years since I've gotten good sleep. Emery (7 1/2 week old) has RSV right now and nights are 10x worse, I just thought it was bad before. Surely this too shall pass for us both? (or all judging by the comments!)

P.S. I think that today I will NOT be getting out of my pajamas.

Kathleen W. said...

Oh, Natalie, this post sounds so much like my life too! Though I only have one child, but many days I feel like this too, especially lately with my toddler having sleep issues as well. I'm not living on sleep fumes like you, but I certainly remember those times.

Let me just speak for everyone and say that we appreciate your posts and their honesty, and you are in my thoughts.

kristi lee said...

Well said, once again. Motherhood with many young ones around just seems like trying to keep your head above water...nothing seems like it gets done well. A meeting at church last night made that far too clear for me. I feel as though I'm failing miserably at everything and it CERTAINLY doesn't feel like Christmas at our place since we're surrounded by boxes and the fun holiday stuff is in storage. Kooper's on his 4th major timeout/meltdown in 2 hours and it's only 9:30am. Sorry I'm not much help right now...to self-centered with moving stuff. Call anytime (after the 14th!!!!!!)...you know I'm always here to help. As lame as it is to say, it really does get better...eventually!! How's that for a pick me up???!! Horrible, I know!

Madsen Family said...

Natalie,
Though I rarely comment on your blog (b/c I feel slightly like a blog-stalker), I really love it: your honesty, style, views on motherhood. Now let me give you two words of advice that saved my life: sleep training. Your six month old should NOT be getting up that often in the night AND he should be able to take longer naps. Some people are against sleep training, but it saved me. Read this book: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and try it out. It is a book dedicated solely to sleep and children's sleep habits, etc. It saved my life and my child is such a good sleeper (and has been since four months, but I had to TRAIN him). Sleep exhaustion killed me with a newborn, so I literally feel your pain. And I echo those who say either hire someone or do a mom-swap. THat's what I do--trade kids for a couple hours every week so at least once a week I can go to the gym in the middle of the day. Good luck. Know that we've ALL been there and are sending happy thoughts your way.
Jessy (Spear) Madsen

Green Acres in the City said...

You are not alone. My 6 year old still gets up at least once a night. And Henry, well its hit and miss. When he does wake its a bottle and diaper while patrick sleeps through it. And yes I have an amazing husband who works hard but sometimes I feel I work equally as hard to keep things going here. OK now I am venting, see what you started...Hang in there, know you are loved and we all will get through this!

Molly and Wayne said...

I can't relate in anyway whatsoever, but I know that if anyone can get through those kinds of hard times its you. You are strong, and a great mother. Shane wont work those hours forever, and your kids will grow so fast. As for having family around to help i'mnot sure. But i do know wayne is applying to some schools in tennessee, so if he gets in, we'll be there to help out ALL THE TIME! I love you Nat! Be happy, you are amazing

Luke and Hailie Girl said...

Hang in there! Love the new header!

Joy said...

We've ALL definitely been there! Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

A Baby Peach said...

Oh I feel ya! Too bad I'm in Nashville or we could trade some "me" time! lol
I have an almost 4 month old who is up 4-6 times per night and sometimes up for the day at 5:30. He also has just began taking cat naps instead of real naps. :( My husband is working 12 hour days for the next few months with a 45 min. drive to work each day, so my house probably matches yours. Maybe the same burglars! haha

Krull Family said...

Oh girl you are not alone!! My babies were both horrible sleepers, my son waking at least 3 times a night until a year, and my daughter the same until 11 months. In my mind, I wanted to be the super mom (clean house, cooked dinner, dressed in something besides the same drab attire I slept in the night before)... chin up, it is temporary and you will laugh at the extreme exhaustion... someday ;)

amydear said...

This is what a blog is good for, instant sympathy! Every mother has good days and bad, and sometimes there are more good than bad. But then it will get better. You are a wonderful mother, but also a wonderful woman. I admire you!

Heather said...

Too bad you weren't in Michigan. We could become really good friends and watch each other's kids. I'm a firm believer that your own kids are easier to watch if they have playmates who are not their siblings. I always get more done if I have other kids over to play with Holden. I think I might just hire someone else's kids - LOL! Anyway, we are all feeling that way at some point. Have a glass of wine, some chocolate and remember you are not alone! Even if you're too far away for us to become friends irl :)

Brouillettes said...

I understand completely...and stay-at-home moms are expected to do it all, but we can't. You can't. You will have plenty of time to clean the house years from now when the house is empty. You will have time to nap then as well. And no one REALLY cares about the shaving of legs...you are a mom. Priorities. Often, I'd rather take an extra minute and soak in the bath than shave! and it's winter, so you have an excuse. Hang in there. It's not easy, but I believe God gives us graces to make it through. And I'm sure HE doesn't care what our house or legs look like either ;) Think of how many women can't bring themselves to stay-at-home...NO one says it is an easy job. And there is a reason it is so important. I recently joined a book club that gets me out of the house for a few hours a night once a week. No matter what is going on, see if you can wiggle some activity in for yourself to do once a week or every two weeks for you time to get out alone. It makes a huge difference to get out for a bit...re-evaluate. In the end, if WE'RE not okay, the kids aren't either. So take some YOU time...no matter what the cost...OUTside of the house. Separate yourself for a bit. Good luck. I feel your pain. Two grade-schoolers with homework (I feel like I am in school again...), a one-year old, and another on the way. Prayers are with you!

PS~ Have you read Dr. Ezzo's book called On Becoming Baby Wise? He now also has a book for Toddlers. I breastfed for 14 months, but (other than nightmares, growth spurts, aching teeth, etc) Gianna has slept through the night since she was about 3 months old because of the book. You might try it if you haven't. It's an excellent book.

Lisa Lew said...

Just try to think "And this to shall pass," because it really does. I so clearly remember those days you are in now. I have a 2nd grader and a preschooler and I feel like I'm in Heaven. I have some time to myself, time to shower, time to think, even time to go to grad school. It does get better. Make peace with your house, make peace with not being able to do it all now... but one day you will.

Ronnie said...

You don't know me, but I stumbled on to your blog a little while ago and this post sounds like it was written by me...except for I'm a first time Mother with a one month baby. I never would have dreamed (or nightmare...d?) that Motherhood could be SO hard! Thank you for helping me feel like I can still be a good person AND think that being a mom is the toughest job in the world that I really just need a break from :)

Stacy said...

I know how you feel! When our girls were babies, my hubby worked overnights, so nighttime duties were all on me. Hopefully, you can get some uninterrupted sleep.

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