Thursday, September 4, 2008

If you want it, ask for it.

This tip is mainly for the married ladies. I have found that if you want a great birthday you have to EXPLAIN WHAT YOU WANT. Let me elaborate. Birthdays are a big deal to me. (Obviously) I am a pretty low maintenance girl for the most part; anniversaries, Mother's day, Valentine's day...a simple gesture is fine. On the other hand, I want birthdays to be special. Growing up in my family, birthdays meant that you were the star of the day. I wanted that to continue.

Shane's and my first year of marriage was pretty drama free except on the first birthday we spent together. He came home from work that evening and asked "what do you want to do for your birthday?" I burst into tears, already upset that the day had been relatively non-eventful. We did not go out that night.

The next day a friend of mine called me after hearing about the episode. She had been married for several years and thought I needed a lesson in marriage relations. She explained that men just don't get how these things are important and that she cried though years of disappointing birthdays until she realized that it was just the way things are and that you just have to not expect anything.

I listened politely, but in my mind I thought...this is the worst advice ever. Hello, I didn't marry a mentally incompetent man. He is romantic and sensitive and sweet. He is fantastic at making Christmas special. Why would I just give up on him giving me something that is important to me. I started wondering if this woman was unsatisfied in other ways as well.....

The next day I sat down with Shane and explained my expectations for birthdays. I like the full day to be special- meaning maybe a nice breakfast, a little note found during the day- that kind of thing. I like the night to entail something romantic (that he plans) and I would like one or two small gifts. Wrapped. Expensive gifts not necessary. And I want a cake.

Pretty basic. All he needed to know was what I wanted. Sometimes I give him a few extra tip, like last year. I told him 6 months in advance that I thought my 30th should be a big deal. He delivered. This year I told him that I wanted a more low key day. A nice dinner out, the carpets cleaned and the day out with girlfriends. If he wants to do more, that is up to him.

You may think that it takes the romance out of it, but I don't think so. Men aren't automatically programed to know what we need. (This applies not only to birthdays.) Some are more in tune than others, but there is always something that they aren't going to pick up on right away. The key is to make it a sweet request, and not a nag thing.

Anyway, that is my big advice for the year. I'm not really an advice giving person, but this is gospel to me. If you want it, ask for it.
I also advise contributing to your 401K and voting Republican. But that is where the advice giving ends.

5 comments:

Mary Lou said...

If only I had known this 11 years ago....great advice!

Natalie Jane said...

Thanks!

LOLiTA said...

I agree 100%! Thanks for that advice.

beth said...

I agree! We can't expect them to read minds, too!

kristi lee said...

Happy birthday. . .tomorrow!

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