I have no idea where that falsehood started. But let me set the universe straight.
I am a complete disaster.
I don't think I have ever had such little control over my life than right now.
Having a baby who still wakes up every few hours is misery. I keep wanting to sleep train, but I want to do it when Shane is home to help me for a few nights. So, um, never. HOPEFULLY next week. But every time he says for sure he'll be home, he's called away. I'm so tired I feel like I could pass out at any moment.
Having a baby who likes to keep her naps to a maximum of 30 minutes is just plain tragic. She's exhausted. And want to know what you can get done in 30 minutes? Pay attention to the 4 year old who just wants some time with mommy. Which of course makes me feel unbelievable guility if I choose to shower instead. Elise hates her swing. Hates her bouncy seat. Will sit in the bumbo for a maybe 7 minutes at a time. I carry that 14 pound baby ALL DAY LONG.
My pre-pregnancy clothes are still too tight. I had Elise 5 months ago. I went to buy myself a new sweater so I didn't have to wear yoga pants and a hoodie everyday of my life.
I wore that sweater for EIGHT days straight. There were some showers in-between. But I put that lovely soft gray sweater back on the minute I was dry. I'm planning to wear it today. If I get dressed.
My gym membership and gym day care costs me $30 a visit. Since I maybe go twice a month.
My new best friend is the lady at the gas station who gives me my diet coke.
My huge church calling is not getting the attention it needs.
My awesome husband is not getting the attention he deserves.
My son wore nail polish to preschool for a week before I noticed.
My blog is so totally sad and ignored.
My house is a total pit.
My meals are pitiful.
I look like I've aged 5 years. NO amount of concealer helps these dark circles.
Romance? Um, we have Valentines reservations. So that's something.
So. There you are. I am a mess. I don't know why I just can't get it together, but I'm so overwhelmed with everything I seem to have to do during the day.
BUT. There are some things that I do accomplish:
My children are alive. They have clean clothes. They eat fruit and veggies most day.
Pretty sure I deserve a medal for those things alone. It is a herculean effort.
I clean the kitchen before I go to bed most days.
I shower regularly. I've had to call in a babysitter a few times to make that happen.
I'm a instagram champ. While I nurse the baby, I look through my photos and post them. Instagraming makes me happy because I can pick out the sweet moments in my day and capture them. And there are many sweet moments. Moments I would otherwise forget in this haze of exhaustion.
I remember birthdays.
I've learned a couple new embroidery stitches and have done a few hoops when I crash with Shane for our "Friday night stare at the TV and try not to move for 2 hours" date night.
I have not reverted to yelling at my kids. The few times I slip, I hold them close and apologize right away.
I try to only use kind words with my husband. I show him gratitude for the help he can give, not make him feel guilty for the things he can't do.
That's a sad list. But it's something.
I try to tell myself this time will pass. That it will get easier. I know it will. This is the third time I've done this. But I still feel like such a failure that I don't handle it better. That I constantly yearn for a life coach, nanny, personal trainer, cook, house cleaner and my mommy.
This is really hard. Superwoman, I am not.
My last Superwoman post was back in 2009. Back when Collin was a baby. :)