Friday, October 25, 2013

Last Baby Syndrome (And having my tubes removed.)

I think I may have last baby syndrome. I'm not sure that's a documented thing, but it should be.

Elise is my last baby. For sure. I had my fallopian tubes removed during my c-section, so it's definite.

(A few people asked via email why I had my tubes removed. I'll answer that later in this post.)

Anyway, I'm very happy that we are done with having babies. I feel like my family is complete. But acknowledging that I will never go through these little moments again with a baby is emotional. It may just be that I am incredibly slept deprived. (Elise's longest sleep duration is 3 hours at night. But usually it's less than 2.) Also, I'm still getting boughts of baby blues, which seem to hover over like a gray gauze over my days. I'm happy and liking this new place in life, but I'm sad too.

Every time I put away something that Elise has out grown, I think, "I'll never have a baby wear this again." As she moves through these beginning milestones, I realize how this won't happen again.

I don't want the joy of raising Elise to be tinged with the sadness of "last baby syndrome". But maybe that's what every parent experiences with their last baby. We hold them so close as we desperately want the moment to last longer. I just didn't expect it to be so bittersweet. And I just started.

Does it better or last for the duration?

In regard to having my tubes removed, I always planned on having my tubes "tied" after this baby. Shane and I came to that decision for many reasons. I have a hard time getting pregnant and very hard pregnancies. This would be my third c-section. And I turned 36 right after she was born. I did NOT want a surprise baby at age 43. And, most importantly, we felt like three kids was the perfect number for our family.

When I discussed this with my doctor, she recommended that if I was 100% sure that this would be our last baby, I should have my fallopian tubes completely removed. The reason behind this is to dramatically decrease my chances for developing Ovarian cancer, which has been found to develop in the F. Tubes.

I was a little nervous about going ahead with that procedure. My worry, was that Elise would be born with some problems and not survive. My doctor is not the most positive person and she filled my head constantly with all the issues that comes with having a baby later in life. (Again. I was only 35.) But I did worry that if something was wrong, I would have absolutely no way to add to our family. (Other than adoption of course.)

How I went about this was to sign all the wavers for the Tubal removal, but instructed the doctor not to go ahead until after the baby was born and confirmed stable. There was plenty of time after delivery to make this concession. At that time we would make the decision.

As it so happened, the doctor discovered that my uterus was so thin, that had I stayed pregnant for even a couple more days, it most likely would have burst. She told me that it was not safe for me to have any other children. This made the decision for the removal an obvious one.

Anyone else have their tubes completely removed? Or is this a newer option?

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Push Pop Mama said...

It lasts their entire lives I think. That's why they are the baby of the family. I loved being the youngest!

The Thomas Family said...

Ha! As a first born, I get why the baby is "the baby" now that I am a mom myself...determined not to let it affect "my baby" - as I strive to treat all my four kids as equal as humanly possible - I can already see subtleties that can't be undone, as I go through and savor the "lasts" or as I just get sick of doing things the way I have for 3 kids, and by the time 4 came along I invest in something I like for myself i.e. furniture built to last ;)I get it now. Apparently the Lord designed their birth order to be "the baby" for that reason. I fit the #1 birth order personality to a "T" but it's so interesting to see those dynamics play out. Elise will be spoiled...but that's o.k.!

We agreed completely differently on ending our fertility ...while I signed up and went through all the bodily changes of pregnancy, that allowed us to arrive at our decision of my husband taking one for the team and going through with that surgery. Now that my baby is 3, I would be lying if I didn't say there were days where I really wish I could be pregnant again with #5...I LOVE "being pregnant" and while that still could happen {I hear stories of regrowth} I don't do well with the 6 months to 1 year I know full well we were done, but there is something about the finality of being done that makes me want more :)Then again we get home from somewhere late, and now that all my kids sleep uninterrupted through the night...I know why we decided we ARE done!

Candice said...

Your baby will always be the "baby." I do find myself not realizing she is as old as she is but I'm fine with it and love that she was and is the last.

I had the same issue with my last c-sections. We already decided we weren't going to have anymore and was going to do something about since I was already there. My doctor said I had no choice either since my uterus was so thin that it would be dangerous to both me and baby if I every got pregant again.

Heather said...

I really think that doctor's need to cut out that "later in life" pregnancy stuff. More people are opting to have children later in life, and 25 is no way near being over the hill! I was 36 when I had my last baby, and hearing "advanced maternal age" all the time got my nerves!
My youngest is now 2, and she definitely gets babied because she's the last!
P.S. I use to get your blog posts sent to my email, and I don't anymore! Did you get rid of that option?

Natalie Jane said...

Heather, I'm not sure why you aren't getting the emails. Sorry!

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