Friday, December 3, 2010

Crying my eyes out and ruining my satin shoes.

So I'm a stay at home mom. If you are one of these yourself, you probably don't need any further explanation. But if not, here goes. I stay home. ALL DAY LONG. My errands are pre-school drop off and library hour. Grocery store trips and visits to the pediatrician. I could spend my entire life in yoga pants and, except for church, I don't think anyone would notice.

Now I'm immensely grateful I am able to stay home with my kids. I love experiencing their young lives. But let me tell you, it's a sacrifice. The total loss of real income for one. Exiting the career world completely. The mind numbing monotony of it all. I've mentioned in previous posts that this field of mommy-hood isn't exactly my style. I love it and I think I'm good at it, but it isn't my natural element.

Getting back to tonight. Tonight is Shane's company Christmas party. When we got the invite and I saw it was semi-formal at a beautiful hotel I was ecstatic. I love dressing up and going out. Love love love it. I love wearing my highest heels without worrying about tripping while holding a child. I love to wear my nicest clothes without worrying about sticky hands and snot. I like carrying a tiny clutch with only the barest necessities. All of it reminds me about who I was before I was "mom".

So here I am. Dressed to the nine, hair in a up-do that required about 50 bobbypins and half a bottle of hairspray. My nails are manicured with a soft silver paint and I pulled out the "good jewelry". I look seriously great. Except for the fact that my carefully shadowed eyes are blood shot from crying. I just got off the phone with the babysitter letting her know we would not be needing her after all.

Shane's flight from Portland was delayed and won't be home until after the party is over. I didn't notice I was crying until I saw the drip marks on my gorgeous new shoes.

I'm going to bed. When I wake up, I have several pairs of yoga pants in the dryer to choose from.

21 comments:

Aunt Spicy said...

Tomorrow night...go out tomorrow night!

Jessie said...

I am so sorry Natalie :(

Just the Two of US said...

so sorry, hope things get better for you!

Julie said...

That sucks! I would cry too. I bet you looked beautiful all dolled up and no where to go. I hope you can do a re-do some time to wear the good jewelry. That stuff needs to air out sometimes :)

Beth's Blog said...

I completely understand! I am sorry.

Ashlynn said...

I completely understand! I was supposed to go out to a work party with my hubs tonight too, but he cancelled because of the time it starts in relation to our son's bedtime. We would have only been able to go for about 2 hours which just wasn't worth it... but like you, I got all dolled up just in case and then had to go back to my sweats. Sending hugs...

Life With the Crazies said...

How disappointing! I agree... plan an awesome date night and hit the town tomorrow.

Alex and Jill said...

Bless it. I could have written this post. It feels so good to get dressed up (and out of yoga pants) if only for a night. Make a date-night tomorrow night...you NEED it.

Bolo heads said...

I was getting in the shower tonight after begging my children to clean, all the live long day. I explained to them that I show them that I love them by doing the things that they need me to do for them, and could they PLEASE just pick the clothes off the floor to show me that they love me. It was completly worthless. Any way back to the shower, I was in the shower wishing that I had somewhere to go any where with out kids and putting something on besides the yoga pants. I keep on telling myself someday my day will come. Like when I was young looking through the seventeen magazine's prom issue. Someday this phase will be over and I can remember what it is like to get dressed up and flirt with my husband again. You are not alone this is the lot we must bare, sitting in front of the computer at 10:45 at night in nothing but the old nasty T-shirt and wishing for more. If it helps at all they are really cute when they are sleeping. Good luck!

Malissa said...

Oh Natalie! :-( I'm so sad for you. I bet you looked beautiful! I think Shane needs to take you out tomorrow on an extra special date so you can get dolled up again. Did you at least take a picture of you looking fabulous?

ZogLady said...

Oh no, oh no, oh no!!!!! I totally understand where you're coming from... I will openly admit that Motherhood, or staying home ALL the time, is not something that I'm completely talented at... Most times I feel like I'm just getting by! *L*

My Husband works in the field so we spent the first 7 months of the year on a 24/4 schedule (24 out, 4 days home with travel) and the last few months have been a 10/4 schedule.... It's hard exhausting and most days I dream of staying in bed, sleeping, reading, watching TV without interruption for weeks on end!

Fancy parties don't exist in my workd any longer... If there is a company party for my Husband it's usually a "family" based one, so off to WEM we go... Jeans and T-shirts.... My best friends.

I feel for you! I think you and some friends should make up a "Because we're Women!" party, have all the kids and Husbands go to one house for the evening and then allow yourself to get dolled up and throw a party! Stay in, go out, whatever.... Does it matter as long as you look good??!

<3

Ashleigh said...

Aw I'm sorry that he wasn't able to make it. That stinks.

But hey, you can get dressed up and feel like a million bucks for no reason at all. As a matter of fact, I think you should!

Kathleen said...

(((Hugs!))). What an awful night! I hope you two can plan an evening out soon, and get all dressed up, even with tear-spotted shoes.

Mrs. Jones said...

Virtual hugs are coming your way! I'm so sorry! I think you need a sweet dressy date night to show your fab look now!

Rach said...

Oh man that sucks!!! (hugs hugs)
I love what you said motherhood is not your "natural element " from things that you have written, I think your husband will make it up to you.
And by the way From your pictures I think you always look great.

kristi lee said...

sorry lady! all our christmas party plans were canceled too. we missed you last night. we got super sweaty for melissa's birthday but had fun. hope today is better!!

Stacy said...

I feel your pain! Haven't had a night out with my husband in a while, either, and Friday night got cancelled because my mom is sick. The last time we had a sitter, I was freshly stitched up from having my gall bladder removed, and not exactly mobile!

Ana B said...

Oh, that's too bad! In a way I know how you feel, but at the same time your phrase 'the monotony of it all' is something I would use for being in the work force, not for being a SAHM. I think being a mother to young children is anything but monotonous! There is always something new everyday :) I guess it all depends in how you look at it! But I know, yes there are moments when I feel that way, for example when I'm throwing in yet another load of laundry for the 10th time that week.

amydear said...

I've had a lot of moments like this one, but never when wearing satin shoes. I'm sorry your night out got canceled! I'd love to see a photo of your updo, though. I'm sure you looked gorgeous. I will add one thing -- the longer I have been a mother, the fewer and farther between these moments are. I think I've settled in to the SAHM thing and am content with these years. That's not to say I don't look forward to going back out into the working world. I hope you get a "do-over" on your date!

Martha said...

I'm so sorry! Your post made me almost start crying. I totally know how you felt. I'm glad to hear that Shane made it up to you. :)

xcdenke said...

I just read this!! So sorry!! That sucks big time and I can all too empathize with you about everything. I love you and miss you!!

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