Friday, December 12, 2008

The Worst Gift Ever.

Let me begin by saying that I have been the recipient of some wonderful Christmas gifts. My family is fantastic about finding sweet and sentiment gifts, as are my friends. While Christmas is about giving, no one can deny that receiving a heartfelt gift is a joy unlike any other. Of course, we don't always receive gifts that give us that warm fuzzy feeling.

A few years ago I was working at a law firm and they announced that they would be holding an optional Secret Santa Exchange. The limit was $30. I enthusiastically signed up. The name I chose was a receptionist who I didn't know very well, but I knew had a well developed sense of style. I searched for something that she would love and settled on a cashmere scarf I discovered on sale. I wrapped it beautifully, adorning the package with candy canes and a glittering ornament.

The day of the exchange came and everyone was excited. The law firm was a relatively formal environment, so something fun and social brightened every one's day. We watched as each person opened their gift. Gift cards, jewelry, DVDs - each gift brought a smile and a genuine thanks. The receptionist gushed at the scarf. Soon it was my turn. I found my gift in the pile. It was small and wrapped in newspaper. - Obviously from a man :). When the gift was opened I just stared at it in confusion. Suddenly the co-worker who had given the gift to me erupted in laughter. "Awesome huh?! Sperm Candy!". Yes indeed. My Secret Santa had given me a box of candy shaped like sperm. The $2.49 price tag from Spencer's Gifts was still attached. I turned the box over thinking maybe he had attached a gift card. Nope. Just the sperm.

As the rest of the group squirmed in the mist of this gentleman's uproarious laughter, I thought quickly what I should do it this situation. I really couldn't feign enthusiasm without looking like an idiot. I put the candy in my purse, smiled and replied, "Thanks Paul. I definitely wasn't expecting that." The rest of the group gave a small chuckle and we continued with the exchange.

That gift sucked pretty badly. Not only was I totally jipped, but I was embarrassed too. Though it may have worked in my favor because my Christmas bonus was bigger that year than I expected, very possibly because the head partner of the firm was witness to the exchange. Maybe he felt worry for me. I took some of the extra bonus and made myself feel better with a cashmere scarf for myself.

So that is my worst gift ever. What is yours?


Mistress Meeyee said...

A much older man I dated when I was 18 gave me baby hair bows and stuffed animals for Christmas.I could not tell if he meant to have a message behind it but I broke up with him anyway.

Natalie Jane said...

Yuk. Baby Hair bows? That is not good. Once I went out with a guy 14 years my senior (an attorney actually) and after a couple dates to nice places he took me to see the movie he said he knew I would love. "Antz". That was our last date. What, did he think I was 12?

Harley Dee said...

I've never gotten a bad gift from someone, but I ended up with a pretty useless one at an office party one year. We played Dirty Santa, and so the gift had to be gender neutral. I ended up with a Black & Flame (yes, like fire) seat cover, with a matching steering wheel cover. I drive a white CR-V. Can't you just see it now? :)

xcdenke said...

So gross and tasteless. That blows. I'm sure I've had some bad gifts in my time too. Sorry to say, none that bad.

Are You Serious! said...

♥ That definately is a terrible gift! Yay for a bigger bonus though!

judybrittle said...

I'm sorry you received such a horrible gift,but I can't stop laughing either! Thank you! You just brightened up my day with your story.

Cyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cyn said...

Thanks for your story. It had me laughing, and we all need to laugh sometimes.
Let's see, my worst gift might have been from my parents at Christmas when I was 18.
I had asked for a Walkman type cassette player (worth about $10-$20). What I got was an electric shaver. I'm a woman.
Then for my 21st birthday, my parents got me nothing, even a card. It was kind of a bummer because even with my merit scholarship and part-time job, I was still having a hard time away at state university making ends meet (eg. how do I stretch $3-$5 to buy 2 to 3 days of food -- yum, spaghetti with fried onion). But I really needed a sweater, so during winter break I filched $20 from my dad -- I confessed later, but I didn't feel too too guilty at the time.
The situation made more sense a couple years later when I found out my father was leaving my mother for a woman only 8 years older than I and had hidden assets (found that out even later than the divorce).
BUT recent presents have been really good. My children are wonderful (and healthy, thank the lord) and our family is in a stable financial situation. As in I'll get an iPod (I peeked, but don't think hubby will mind -- if nobody here tells him LOL.)

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